thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
