I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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