u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
