My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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