yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
