Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
