if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
