He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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