My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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