Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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