Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
