people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In other news, I just burned my penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
