i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize