plz talk dirty to me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
