I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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