you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
