Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
