apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
