We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
