It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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