Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
