11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
