shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
