I love black thongs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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