I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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