..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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