Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize