The maid of honor just puked.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
