just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize