Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
