idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
