he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
