I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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