We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Damn victory sex feels great
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