two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
