Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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