I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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