i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
