We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
