when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
