she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
