The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize