im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
