I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
