I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
