girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
