so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
