John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your penis caused this!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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