in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
