woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
