Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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