Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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