never play flip cup with pint glasses
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
