That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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