my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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