i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
