Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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