Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
