You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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