i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do vagina's smell?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
