walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
