Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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