Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Panties = found
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
