i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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