I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
